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Aging Parents - do you have a plan?

 
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Mats
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PostPosted: Tue 01 Feb, 2005 5:52 pm    Post subject: Aging Parents - do you have a plan? Reply with quote

I'm sure many members of this forum have parents that have had their "three score years and ten " which means that they won't be around for too many years to come. How does one prepare for this (death, I mean)? Is it possible to "prepare" at all? I don't mean to be cruel in posting this; rather, I'd like to hear about stategies you may have for dealing with this.


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CAM
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Can't Do It In Real Life? Do It On Llizard's Forum

PostPosted: Tue 01 Feb, 2005 7:33 pm    Post subject: Re: Aging Parents - do you have a plan? Reply with quote

MEF wrote:
I'm sure many members of this forum have parents that have had their "three score years and ten " which means that they won't be around for too many years to come. How does one prepare for this (death, I mean)? Is it possible to "prepare" at all? I don't mean to be cruel in posting this; rather, I'd like to hear about stategies you may have for dealing with this.


This thread requires some thought... I feel very happy that both my parents are living and well. Mr. CAM's parents both died some time ago, though, and I never thought to ask Mr CAM whether he prepared himself. Certainly I had no thought of doing so, other than to insist that Mr. CAM go to see his mother (in another city) when I felt sure she was dying -- the rest of the family was too close to the situation to understand this. He managed to be with her and other members of the family when she died.

I think preparing for the eventuality that one's older parents might be less able to care for themselves is very sobering, and I have not had to work with my parents through that at this stage.


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David
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PostPosted: Wed 02 Feb, 2005 2:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't think I'm alone in being somewhat in denial about the mortality of my parents and inlaws. My mother died 15 years ago and although it was expected I was unable to emotionally prepare myself. I have a vague half-formed idea that I want my father to come and live with me when he becomes frail but that's as far as it goes. After his death I'll be the oldest member of my family. That's also a sobering thought.
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J Michael
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PostPosted: Sun 06 Feb, 2005 8:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

David wrote:
I don't think I'm alone in being somewhat in denial about the mortality of my parents and inlaws. My mother died 15 years ago and although it was expected I was unable to emotionally prepare myself. I have a vague half-formed idea that I want my father to come and live with me when he becomes frail but that's as far as it goes. After his death I'll be the oldest member of my family. That's also a sobering thought.


Hello all.. and was being urged to open up and read and found this... as you all know been rather busy with the daughter's family visit from Brisbane and things just started to roll, with the kids entering new schools even though they are in their teens, and all the running around. I can relate to this topic as my dad passed on to glory in mid January 1994 and then 17 days later my grand dad. When we found out about the illness in November 93, and being the eldest, just firmly confronted the docs of the time we had left and so, we started to prepare him for it very subtly and we could see that slowly he began to read the Word and his faith slowly became sure and steady. When the time finally came, I had seen him 4 hours before he finally passed on and went to work. Faced my boss' crude remarks because I was the eldest of the two children. But once a clear statement was made, he backed off and just at that time, the call for me to go to the hospital came and then still, the delay and just missed my dad but the sorrow was only for a moment. For my husband and kids, we knew he was ready and really glad that he went peacefully.

Grand dad was admitted to hospital days after the funeral. Then on visiting and praying with him, he got out the next day and went on to do the gardening and stuff for 7 days.. then when my aunt from Sdyney was on the plane to get here.. he laid back and slept (literally) and no one knew till the evening and guess who had to break the news to her, even though she has other 2 other sisters??

Now mum who's 73, just sustained a broken wrist and is staying with me. She's afraid to be alone. So doing what we can. The only problem now is preparing the food and my time in the house is fully booked. Just hours ago, the thought did cross my mind, if I am able to handle her needs should the situation suddenly get worse, as just today she mentioned that she woke up and the bed and clothing were soaked. We are not letting that hinder us at all and best to lay everything at His feet and He'll take care of the rest, we'lll just have to be obedient to His will.

Thanks for letting me open up this thought and apologise for any inconvenience, if any. Have a blessed day, y'all.


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David
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Joined: 09 Nov 2004
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Location: England

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PostPosted: Wed 09 Feb, 2005 9:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was going to respond to this post a couple of days ago until I realised that my automatic male problem-solving mode was completely inappropriate and you weren't seeking comment or advice.

Although I usually internalise (is that's a real word?) those aspects of my life that cause me stress, I do know it's better for my mental health to force myself to confront them by talking about them. In the absence of close friends and relatives I often unload to online friends, discusson forums and in my weblog. What did we used to do before the internet?
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Mats
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PostPosted: Wed 09 Feb, 2005 11:37 am    Post subject: Parents and death Reply with quote

Amazing how you hit the nail directly on the head David; I did ask for advice - but none can really be given. Still, I really appreciate all the comments here as they don't give advice, but describe experiences one can learn from. You are a swell group!!!!


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CAM
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Can't Do It In Real Life? Do It On Llizard's Forum

PostPosted: Wed 16 Feb, 2005 11:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

J Michael wrote:
Thanks for letting me open up this thought and apologise for any inconvenience, if any. Have a blessed day, y'all.


Thanks, J Michael, for your thoughts! You have a blessed day, too. I'm in Southeast Asia working for a few weeks, but not near Singapore.


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J Michael
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PostPosted: Thu 17 Feb, 2005 1:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Again, was just urged to check the site.. had returned from an outing with mum and again Monday for the check up, to see what's happening with the wrist, as it's a little swollen at the thumb and fingers (wonder if the duralite is a little too tight fitting??).. well, thanks for the encouragement...oh... please.. any of you if your travel brings you here to Singapore, please, give advance notice and will be glad to meet up and you've got a friend here...truly... well, as I re-read the latest posts, yes, we learn from true life experiences and we have found that just by walking in faith and being obedient, we are able to overcome many obstacles in our own lives. But not many will agree so it's a matter of choice, and leave it as that. Many times when we were in a dilemma and did not know what to do, just by waiting a little bit longer, the answer came and so that taught us not to jump to any conclusions and the answer always comes at the right time.

We remember visiting a lady who had a termial disease about a year after we first learned of it. When we saw her she was happy and chatty with my friend, and because I did not speak the language but knew bits and pieces only, was quiet and was waiting for the right time. When suddenly, asked her why she was getting dreams of her husband and then, knew that it was drawing close to her time and going in that direction, advised her to completely remove every trace of bitterness or anything of that sort out of her heart and decided that she wanted to give her life to Christ and after a short prayer, she was indeed happy.

That night we learned that she was admitted to the hospital and was discharged 5 days later. On the way home, they had to double back as she felt faint.. and she passed on peacefully, half an hour later at the hospital. We believe strongly that she overcame the sickness. At the time of her demise, my family and I were having a cup of tea when suddenly the skies turned colour and felt that someone was/just entered glory and just as I had mentioned it, my mobile rang to confirm the news. An experience we can never forget or sweep under the rug, or give it another name, or what ever anyone may say or try to analyze, as the total experience of this lady and where each one played a part in her life shows us that of what we think we know, we actually dont and must learn and keep learning and encouraging anyone, if they so want. Else we must be quiet and the time will come and the sharing experience will be a blessing one to another. Ta for now..


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