Definitions and Connotations

posts from 13 October 2004 to 14 March 2011
Locked
ejm
registered
Posts: 356
Joined: Thu 14 Oct, 2004 12:53 pm

Definitions and Connotations

Post by ejm »

I don't know how long these have been floating around the internet, nor if they're really from the Washington Post, nor if they're from one particular year. But who cares? They're clever.
via recent email, a friend wrote:Here's the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

The winners are:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people which stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. O s t e o p o r n o s i s: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

For #10 in the first list, I had to type with spaces between each letter because this forum decided it was a disallowed word. :lalala:
David
registered
Posts: 354
Joined: Tue 09 Nov, 2004 9:41 am

Post by David »

I misread #10 in the first list. I thought it was o s t e o p o r o s i s and the spaces were the joke, representing the porosity (spaces) in the osteo (bones).

I also suspect that they may not have originated from the Washington Post (would they publish a Top 17 and a Top 16?) especially as #15 in the second list is George Carlin's original definition. I also question whether the Washington Post would use "alternate definition" which I understand as meaning a definition that changes back and forth repeatedly, rather than "alternative definition" which I understand as a definition chosen from two or more definitions.

They are funny though. I need to make up some more words.
David
registered
Posts: 354
Joined: Tue 09 Nov, 2004 9:41 am

Post by David »

So far I can only think of "e-busive" which may already exist (abusive via email) and a couple of offensive-sounding words.

WARNING: OFFENSIVE-SOUNDING WORDS [spoiler]hermaphrodyke, bitchtard[/spoiler].
ejm
registered
Posts: 356
Joined: Thu 14 Oct, 2004 12:53 pm

Post by ejm »

David wrote:I misread #10 in the first list. I thought it was o s t e o p o r o s i s and the spaces were the joke, representing the porosity (spaces) in the osteo (bones).
Rats!! I wish I'd thought of that!
David wrote:I also suspect that they may not have originated from the Washington Post (would they publish a Top 17 and a Top 16?) especially as #15 in the second list is George Carlin's original definition.
Aha. I suspected that this was an amalgamation of some kind. And how disgraceful to not give credit where credit is due. Although I suppose that George Carlin might have entered his word in a past version of the Washington Post challenge - if such a challenge even exists. (I searched the Washington Post site and saw no reference to the challenge)
David wrote:I need to make up some more words.
"e-busive" is excellent!

e-buse: n. spam sent via email, especially when attachments are included

Ha. The Mensa Invitational list that I received falls under that category. Not only was it sent to many recipients but it was also attached as a .doc I HATE it when simple text is attached as a .doc. Exactly why do I need that kind of thing formatted AND why would I care about the font??

Which makes me want to play too:

attackment: n. excessively large email attachment that causes the email program to stall while attempting to download
CAM
registered
Posts: 487
Joined: Thu 14 Oct, 2004 12:05 am

Re: Definitions and Connotations

Post by CAM »

ejm wrote:I don't know how long these have been floating around the internet, nor if they're really from the Washington Post, nor if they're from one particular year. But who cares? They're clever.
oooh, these are wonderful! I haven't been here for some time, and I'm so pleased I visited because I need a good laugh.
<i>Strange to see how a good dinner and feasting reconciles everybody.</i> --Samuel Pepys
Barbara
registered
Posts: 351
Joined: Wed 13 Oct, 2004 5:17 pm

Re: Definitions and Connotations

Post by Barbara »

ejm wrote:
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:


15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

Frisbeetarianism is a common word?
ejm
registered
Posts: 356
Joined: Thu 14 Oct, 2004 12:53 pm

Re: Definitions and Connotations

Post by ejm »

Barbara wrote: Frisbeetarianism is a common word?
Isn't that the sect of Freemasons, Unitarians and Presbyterians that branched off on their own? I think their bishops wear berets instead of mitres. And I believe the Frisbeetarians usually hold their services outdoors in large fields. They're quite devout and small groups meet several times a week, especially when the weather is fair....
David
registered
Posts: 354
Joined: Tue 09 Nov, 2004 9:41 am

Post by David »

Somnambulance (n.): Vehicle used to transport injured sleepwalkers.
Barbara
registered
Posts: 351
Joined: Wed 13 Oct, 2004 5:17 pm

Re: Definitions and Connotations

Post by Barbara »

ejm wrote:
Barbara wrote: Frisbeetarianism is a common word?
Isn't that the sect of Freemasons, Unitarians and Presbyterians that branched off on their own? I think their bishops wear berets instead of mitres. And I believe the Frisbeetarians usually hold their services outdoors in large fields. They're quite devout and small groups meet several times a week, especially when the weather is fair....
Oh, that Frisbeetarianism. {hits forehead} Now that you have set the context for me, I recall that it is indeed a common word.
Barbara
registered
Posts: 351
Joined: Wed 13 Oct, 2004 5:17 pm

Post by Barbara »

invalid, (na or an*) Hypochondriac

* noujective? or adjectoun?
David
registered
Posts: 354
Joined: Tue 09 Nov, 2004 9:41 am

Post by David »

That made me think of

hypnochodriac (n) one who believes they have an illness induced by hypnosis

hippocondriac
(n) one who believes they are an ill hippopotamus.
Locked